Tag Archives: satire

(News & Editorial/ Harken thee! The bard doth speak…)

 A.  Morning Bell: Obama and the Seuss-quester
22 Feb 2013, The Foundry, by Amy Payne
Pasted from: http://blog.heritage.org/2013/02/22/obama-sequester-plan-tax-and-spend-dr-seuss/

“On Pennsylvania Avenue, right near the end, there lived a President who wanted to spend.

He knew spending meant power, so hour by hour, he thought up more spends from his Washington tower.

“I’ll spend without limits; I’ll spend without blame! Raising taxes to pay—that’s the name of the game.”

Down the street, though, a House filled with thriftier folk had a budget to pass, or the country’d go broke. “We can’t spend all day; we’ve got bills to pay! Let’s keep deficits and higher taxes away.”

The Senate next door to the House just refused. “We don’t like your budget. We’ve got some bad news: The President says we can spend all we want, and we’ll simply raise taxes whenever we choose.”

So they spent and they spent and they borrowed some more. And when all that was spent, they spent same as before.

But not everyone thought the spending was nice. In the House and the Senate, some spenders thought twice. “We’ll cut down on spending. We have a bad feeling…” then—SMACK!—right on schedule, they hit the debt ceiling.

Then the President’s office, confronted with debt: “If it’s cuts they want now, then it’s cuts they shall get. We’ll threaten such cuts that NO one would take, and show them that cuts are not smart to make.”

“This will make Congress move. We’ll just float out a tester… broad, haphazard cuts that we’ll call the sequester.”

The Senate and even the House said, “Okay! That will motivate us to find a good way. We’ll figure this out and stave off those cuts—to allow them to happen, we’d have to be nuts.”

So the deadline was set, but the spending went on. A year and a half had soon come and gone. The House passed a budget; the Senate said no; the President very much enjoyed the show.

“Spend higher! Spend faster! Grow the welfare rolls! Soon, love for the spending will show up in the polls.” He even raised taxes, but it wasn’t enough—the levels of spending grew too fast to keep up.

“Don’t you mind the sequester,” he told Capitol Hill. “You said you would fix it, and I’m sure you will.”

But they could not agree on ways to cut spending, and before they knew it, the sequester was pending.

“Oh no!” they all cried. “We can’t let these cuts stand!”

And the President said, “WHO thought of this terrible plan?”

They didn’t remember his plan all along. He distracted them with his spending-cut song. Now he returned to save them from harm, and to keep them forgetting all but his charm.

So the President said with a glint in his eye, “You tried to cut spending. I saw how you tried. But it’s just too painful—I’m sure you can see. From the beginning, you should have listened to me.”

“I’ll save you all from the spend-cutters’ axes. You see, the solution is just to raise taxes.”

***

We don’t know yet how this story will end. Will Congress raise taxes and continue to spend? We need a balanced budget with smarter cuts—reforming entitlements will take guts.

Let the President know that we’re onto his plan. Share this story with as many people as you can

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B.  [Two excerpts from] NINE POLITICAL POEMS
1990-1999, archipelago.org, by John Haines
Pasted from: http://www.archipelago.org/vol8-3/haines.htm

Notes on the Capitalist Persuasion
-1-
“Everything is connected to everything . . .”
So runs the executive saw,
cutting both ways
on the theme of all improvement:
Your string is my string
when I pull it my way.
In my detachment is your dependency.
In your small and backward nation
some minor wealth still beckons –
was it lumber, gas, or only sugar?
Thus by its imperial logic,
with carefully aimed negotiation,
my increase is your poverty.
When the mortgage payments falter,
then in fair market exchange
your account is my account,
your savings become my bonus,
your home my house to sell.
In my approval is your dispossession.

-2-
Often in distress all social bonds
are broken. Your wife may then
be my wife, your children
my dependents – if I want them.
So, too, our intellectual custom:
Your ideas are my ideas
when I choose to take them.
Your book is my book,
your title mine to steal,
your poem mine to publish.
In my acclaim is your remaindering.
Suppose I sit in an oval office:
the public polls are sliding,
and to prove I am still in command
I begin a distant war. Then,
in obedience to reciprocal fate,
by which everything is connected,
my war is your war,
my adventure your misfortune.
As when the dead come home,
and we are still connected,
my truce is your surrender,
my triumph your despair.

.

The Last Election
Suppose there are no returns,
and the candidates, one
by one, drop off in the polls,
as the voters turn away,
each to his inner persuasion.

The front-runners, the dark horses,
begin to look elsewhere,
and even the President admits
he has nothing new to say;
it is best to be silent now.

No more conventions, no donors,
no more hats in the ring;
no ghost-written speeches,
no promises we always knew
were never meant to be kept.

And something like the truth,
or what we knew by that name –
that for which no corporate
sponsor was ever offered –
takes hold of the public mind.

Each subdued and thoughtful
citizen closes his door, turns
off the news. He opens a book,
speaks quietly to his children,
begins to live once more.

.

.

C.  Political poetry
20 Feb 2013, Missoula Independent, by Peter Daniels
Pasted from; Http://missoulanews.bigskypress.com/LettersToTheEditor/archives/2013/02/20/political-poetry

The Democrats say we have to reduce the deficit. The Republicans say we have to reduce the deficit. The Independents say we have to reduce the deficit.
Isn’t it wonderful how they all agree?

Some jobs and benefits will be cut, say the Democrats. Some jobs and benefits will be cut, say the Republicans. Some jobs and benefits will be cut, say the Independents.
Isn’t it wonderful how they all agree?

The Democrats say everyone will feel some pain. The Independents say everyone will feel some pain. The Republicans say everyone except the Super rich and corporations will feel some pain.
It isn’t any wonder that they disagree!

How come only the Republicans are smart enough to know that you don’t ask the major source of your campaign funds to participate in reducing the deficit?