Tag Archives: satire

Harken thee! The bard doth speak…

(News & Editorial/ Harken thee! The bard doth speak…)

 A.  Morning Bell: Obama and the Seuss-quester
22 Feb 2013, The Foundry, by Amy Payne
Pasted from: http://blog.heritage.org/2013/02/22/obama-sequester-plan-tax-and-spend-dr-seuss/

poet bard“On Pennsylvania Avenue, right near the end, there lived a President who wanted to spend.

He knew spending meant power, so hour by hour, he thought up more spends from his Washington tower.

“I’ll spend without limits; I’ll spend without blame! Raising taxes to pay—that’s the name of the game.”

Down the street, though, a House filled with thriftier folk had a budget to pass, or the country’d go broke. “We can’t spend all day; we’ve got bills to pay! Let’s keep deficits and higher taxes away.”

The Senate next door to the House just refused. “We don’t like your budget. We’ve got some bad news: The President says we can spend all we want, and we’ll simply raise taxes whenever we choose.”

So they spent and they spent and they borrowed some more. And when all that was spent, they spent same as before.

But not everyone thought the spending was nice. In the House and the Senate, some spenders thought twice. “We’ll cut down on spending. We have a bad feeling…” then—SMACK!—right on schedule, they hit the debt ceiling.

Then the President’s office, confronted with debt: “If it’s cuts they want now, then it’s cuts they shall get. We’ll threaten such cuts that NO one would take, and show them that cuts are not smart to make.”

“This will make Congress move. We’ll just float out a tester… broad, haphazard cuts that we’ll call the sequester.”

The Senate and even the House said, “Okay! That will motivate us to find a good way. We’ll figure this out and stave off those cuts—to allow them to happen, we’d have to be nuts.”

So the deadline was set, but the spending went on. A year and a half had soon come and gone. The House passed a budget; the Senate said no; the President very much enjoyed the show.

“Spend higher! Spend faster! Grow the welfare rolls! Soon, love for the spending will show up in the polls.” He even raised taxes, but it wasn’t enough—the levels of spending grew too fast to keep up.

“Don’t you mind the sequester,” he told Capitol Hill. “You said you would fix it, and I’m sure you will.”

But they could not agree on ways to cut spending, and before they knew it, the sequester was pending.

“Oh no!” they all cried. “We can’t let these cuts stand!”

And the President said, “WHO thought of this terrible plan?”

They didn’t remember his plan all along. He distracted them with his spending-cut song. Now he returned to save them from harm, and to keep them forgetting all but his charm.

So the President said with a glint in his eye, “You tried to cut spending. I saw how you tried. But it’s just too painful—I’m sure you can see. From the beginning, you should have listened to me.”

“I’ll save you all from the spend-cutters’ axes. You see, the solution is just to raise taxes.”

***

We don’t know yet how this story will end. Will Congress raise taxes and continue to spend? We need a balanced budget with smarter cuts—reforming entitlements will take guts.

Let the President know that we’re onto his plan. Share this story with as many people as you can

.

B.  [Two excerpts from] NINE POLITICAL POEMS
1990-1999, archipelago.org, by John Haines
Pasted from: http://www.archipelago.org/vol8-3/haines.htm

Notes on the Capitalist Persuasion
-1-
“Everything is connected to everything . . .”
So runs the executive saw,poet truth
cutting both ways
on the theme of all improvement:
Your string is my string
when I pull it my way.
In my detachment is your dependency.
In your small and backward nation
some minor wealth still beckons –
was it lumber, gas, or only sugar?
Thus by its imperial logic,
with carefully aimed negotiation,
my increase is your poverty.
When the mortgage payments falter,
then in fair market exchange
your account is my account,
your savings become my bonus,
your home my house to sell.
In my approval is your dispossession.

-2-
Often in distress all social bonds
are broken. Your wife may then
be my wife, your children
my dependents – if I want them.
So, too, our intellectual custom:
Your ideas are my ideas
when I choose to take them.
Your book is my book,
your title mine to steal,
your poem mine to publish.
In my acclaim is your remaindering.
Suppose I sit in an oval office:
the public polls are sliding,
and to prove I am still in command
I begin a distant war. Then,
in obedience to reciprocal fate,
by which everything is connected,
my war is your war,
my adventure your misfortune.
As when the dead come home,
and we are still connected,
my truce is your surrender,
my triumph your despair.

.

The Last Election
Suppose there are no returns,
and the candidates, one
by one, drop off in the polls,
as the voters turn away,
each to his inner persuasion.

The front-runners, the dark horses,
begin to look elsewhere,
and even the President admits
he has nothing new to say;
it is best to be silent now.

No more conventions, no donors,
no more hats in the ring;
no ghost-written speeches,
no promises we always knew
were never meant to be kept.

And something like the truth,
or what we knew by that name –
that for which no corporate
sponsor was ever offered –
takes hold of the public mind.

Each subdued and thoughtful
citizen closes his door, turns
off the news. He opens a book,
speaks quietly to his children,
begins to live once more.

poet read

.

.

C.  Political poetry
20 Feb 2013, Missoula Independent, by Peter Daniels
Pasted from; Http://missoulanews.bigskypress.com/LettersToTheEditor/archives/2013/02/20/political-poetry

The Democrats say we have to reduce the deficit. The Republicans say we have to reduce the deficit. The Independents say we have to reduce the deficit.
Isn’t it wonderful how they all agree?

Some jobs and benefits will be cut, say the Democrats. Some jobs and benefits will be cut, say the Republicans. Some jobs and benefits will be cut, say the Independents.
Isn’t it wonderful how they all agree?

The Democrats say everyone will feel some pain. The Independents say everyone will feel some pain. The Republicans say everyone except the Super rich and corporations will feel some pain.
It isn’t any wonder that they disagree!

How come only the Republicans are smart enough to know that you don’t ask the major source of your campaign funds to participate in reducing the deficit?

poet political

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The Little Red Hen

“Once there was a Little Red Hen who lived in a barnyard with her three chicks and a duck, a pig and a cat.

One day the Little Red Hen found some grains of wheat. “Look look!” she clucked. “Who will help me plant this wheat?”

“Not I”, quaked the duck, and he waddled away.

“Not I”, oinked the pig, and he trotted away.

“Not I, meowed the cat, and he padded away.

“Then I will plant it myself,” said the Little Red Hen. And she did.

When the wheat was tall and golden, the Little Red Hen knew it was ready to be cut.
“Who will help me cut the wheat?” she asked.

“Not I,” said the duck.

“Not I,” said the pig.

“Not I,” said the cat

“Then I will cut this wheat myself”. And she did.

“Now”, said the Little Red Hen, “it is time to take the wheat to the miller so he
can grind it into flour. Who will help me?”

“Not I,” said the duck.

“Not I,” said the pig.

“Not I,” said the cat.

“Then I will take the wheat to the miller myself,” said the Little Red Hen. And
she did.

The miller ground the wheat into fine white flour and put it into a sack for the
Little Red Hen.

When she returned to the barnyard, the Little Red Hen asked, “Who will help me
make this flour into dough?”

Not I,” said the duck, the pig and the cat all at once.

“Then I will make the dough myself,” said the Little Red Hen. And she did.

When the dough was ready to go into the oven, the Little Red Hen asked, “Who
will help me bake the bread?”

“Not I,” said the duck.

“Not I,” said the pig.

“Not I,” said the cat.

“Then I wll bake it myself,” said the Little Red Hen. And she did.

Soon the bread was ready. As she took it from the oven, the Little Red Hen asked,
“Well who wil help me eat this warm, fresh bread?”

“I will,” said the duck.

“I will,” said the pig.

“I will,” said the cat.

“No you won’t,” said the Little Red Hen. “You wouldn’t help me plant the seeds, cut the wheat, go to the miller, make the dough or bake the bread. Now, my three chicks and I will eat this bread ourselves!”

And that’s just what they did.

And the moral of this story is…

Don’t expect anyone to help you. They will wait until there is no work to be done and no risk to be taken. They will step up and expect you to share with them as if they helped you.”

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Joe Legal and Jose Illegal

You have two families:
“Joe Legal” and “Jose Illegal”. Both families have two parents, two children, and live in California . Joe Legal works in construction, has a Social Security Number and makes $25.00 per hour with taxes  deducted. Jose Illegal also works in construction, has NO Social Security Number, and gets paid $15.00 cash “under the table”.

Ready? Now pay attention . . .

Joe Legal: $25.00 per hour x 40 hours = $1000.00 per week, or $52,000 per year. Now take 30% away for state and federal tax; Joe Legal now has $31,231.

Jose Illegal: $15.00 per hour x 40 hours = $600 per week, or $31,200 per year. Jose Illegal pays no taxes. Jose Illegal now has $31,200.

Joe Legal pays medical and dental insurance with limited coverage for his family at $600 per month, or $7,200 per year. Joe Legal now has $24,031.

Jose Illegal has full medical and dental coverage through the state and local clinics at a cost of
$0.00 per year. Jose Illegal still has $31,200.

Joe Legal makes too much money and is not eligible for food stamps or welfare. Joe Legal pays
$500 per month for food, or $6,000 per year. Joe Legal now has $18,031.

Jose Illegal has no documented income and is eligible for food stamps and welfare. Jose Illegal
still has $31,200.

Joe Legal pays rent of $1,200 per month, or $14,400 per year. Joe Legal now has $9,631.

Jose Illegal receives a $500 per month federal rent subsidy. Jose Illegal pays out that $500 per month, or $6,000 per year. Jose Illegal still has $ 31,200.

Joe Legal pays $200 per month, or $2,400 for insurance. Joe Legal now has $7,231.

Jose Illegal says, “We don’t need no stinkin’ insurance!” and he still has $31,200.

Joe Legal has to make his $7,231 stretch to pay utilities, gasoline, etc . . .

Jose Illegal has to make his $31,200 stretch to pay utilities, gasoline, and what he sends out of the country every month.

Joe Legal now works overtime on Saturdays or gets a part time job after work.

Jose Illegal has nights and weekends off to enjoy with his family.

Joe Legal’s and Jose Illegal’s children both attend the same school.

Joe Legal pays for his children’s lunches while Jose Illegal’s children get a government sponsored
lunch. Jose Illegal’s children have an after school ESL program. Joe Legal’s children go home. Joe Legal and Jose Illegal both enjoy the same police and fire services, but Joe paid for them and Jose did not pay.”

— from the web:
Anonymous

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The Ant and the Grasshopper

CLASSIC VERSION:

“The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, laughs, and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.”

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, laughs, and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing “It’s Not Easy Being Green.”

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing “We Shall Overcome.” Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grass- hopper’s sake.

Al Gore exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his “fair share”.

Finally, the EOC drafts the “Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act,” retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of multi-generation welfare recipients. The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.”

THE END
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/785485/posts

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