Tag Archives: satire

Harken thee! The bard doth speak…

(News & Editorial/ Harken thee! The bard doth speak…)

 A.  Morning Bell: Obama and the Seuss-quester
22 Feb 2013, The Foundry, by Amy Payne
Pasted from: http://blog.heritage.org/2013/02/22/obama-sequester-plan-tax-and-spend-dr-seuss/

poet bard“On Pennsylvania Avenue, right near the end, there lived a President who wanted to spend.

He knew spending meant power, so hour by hour, he thought up more spends from his Washington tower.

“I’ll spend without limits; I’ll spend without blame! Raising taxes to pay—that’s the name of the game.”

Down the street, though, a House filled with thriftier folk had a budget to pass, or the country’d go broke. “We can’t spend all day; we’ve got bills to pay! Let’s keep deficits and higher taxes away.”

The Senate next door to the House just refused. “We don’t like your budget. We’ve got some bad news: The President says we can spend all we want, and we’ll simply raise taxes whenever we choose.”

So they spent and they spent and they borrowed some more. And when all that was spent, they spent same as before.

But not everyone thought the spending was nice. In the House and the Senate, some spenders thought twice. “We’ll cut down on spending. We have a bad feeling…” then—SMACK!—right on schedule, they hit the debt ceiling.

Then the President’s office, confronted with debt: “If it’s cuts they want now, then it’s cuts they shall get. We’ll threaten such cuts that NO one would take, and show them that cuts are not smart to make.”

“This will make Congress move. We’ll just float out a tester… broad, haphazard cuts that we’ll call the sequester.”

The Senate and even the House said, “Okay! That will motivate us to find a good way. We’ll figure this out and stave off those cuts—to allow them to happen, we’d have to be nuts.”

So the deadline was set, but the spending went on. A year and a half had soon come and gone. The House passed a budget; the Senate said no; the President very much enjoyed the show.

“Spend higher! Spend faster! Grow the welfare rolls! Soon, love for the spending will show up in the polls.” He even raised taxes, but it wasn’t enough—the levels of spending grew too fast to keep up.

“Don’t you mind the sequester,” he told Capitol Hill. “You said you would fix it, and I’m sure you will.”

But they could not agree on ways to cut spending, and before they knew it, the sequester was pending.

“Oh no!” they all cried. “We can’t let these cuts stand!”

And the President said, “WHO thought of this terrible plan?”

They didn’t remember his plan all along. He distracted them with his spending-cut song. Now he returned to save them from harm, and to keep them forgetting all but his charm.

So the President said with a glint in his eye, “You tried to cut spending. I saw how you tried. But it’s just too painful—I’m sure you can see. From the beginning, you should have listened to me.”

“I’ll save you all from the spend-cutters’ axes. You see, the solution is just to raise taxes.”


We don’t know yet how this story will end. Will Congress raise taxes and continue to spend? We need a balanced budget with smarter cuts—reforming entitlements will take guts.

Let the President know that we’re onto his plan. Share this story with as many people as you can


B.  [Two excerpts from] NINE POLITICAL POEMS
1990-1999, archipelago.org, by John Haines
Pasted from: http://www.archipelago.org/vol8-3/haines.htm

Notes on the Capitalist Persuasion
“Everything is connected to everything . . .”
So runs the executive saw,poet truth
cutting both ways
on the theme of all improvement:
Your string is my string
when I pull it my way.
In my detachment is your dependency.
In your small and backward nation
some minor wealth still beckons –
was it lumber, gas, or only sugar?
Thus by its imperial logic,
with carefully aimed negotiation,
my increase is your poverty.
When the mortgage payments falter,
then in fair market exchange
your account is my account,
your savings become my bonus,
your home my house to sell.
In my approval is your dispossession.

Often in distress all social bonds
are broken. Your wife may then
be my wife, your children
my dependents – if I want them.
So, too, our intellectual custom:
Your ideas are my ideas
when I choose to take them.
Your book is my book,
your title mine to steal,
your poem mine to publish.
In my acclaim is your remaindering.
Suppose I sit in an oval office:
the public polls are sliding,
and to prove I am still in command
I begin a distant war. Then,
in obedience to reciprocal fate,
by which everything is connected,
my war is your war,
my adventure your misfortune.
As when the dead come home,
and we are still connected,
my truce is your surrender,
my triumph your despair.


The Last Election
Suppose there are no returns,
and the candidates, one
by one, drop off in the polls,
as the voters turn away,
each to his inner persuasion.

The front-runners, the dark horses,
begin to look elsewhere,
and even the President admits
he has nothing new to say;
it is best to be silent now.

No more conventions, no donors,
no more hats in the ring;
no ghost-written speeches,
no promises we always knew
were never meant to be kept.

And something like the truth,
or what we knew by that name –
that for which no corporate
sponsor was ever offered –
takes hold of the public mind.

Each subdued and thoughtful
citizen closes his door, turns
off the news. He opens a book,
speaks quietly to his children,
begins to live once more.

poet read



C.  Political poetry
20 Feb 2013, Missoula Independent, by Peter Daniels
Pasted from; Http://missoulanews.bigskypress.com/LettersToTheEditor/archives/2013/02/20/political-poetry

The Democrats say we have to reduce the deficit. The Republicans say we have to reduce the deficit. The Independents say we have to reduce the deficit.
Isn’t it wonderful how they all agree?

Some jobs and benefits will be cut, say the Democrats. Some jobs and benefits will be cut, say the Republicans. Some jobs and benefits will be cut, say the Independents.
Isn’t it wonderful how they all agree?

The Democrats say everyone will feel some pain. The Independents say everyone will feel some pain. The Republicans say everyone except the Super rich and corporations will feel some pain.
It isn’t any wonder that they disagree!

How come only the Republicans are smart enough to know that you don’t ask the major source of your campaign funds to participate in reducing the deficit?

poet political


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‘Twas The Death Of The Dollar

 (News & Editorial)
You’ll see inflation begin to take root and grow this coming spring, you won’t need to read about it in the newspaper or a magazine, or even watch TV news to find out when it arrives…you’ll find it alive and ravaging your pocket-book at the grocery store. The price hike curve will start inching up slowly and rise over the months. At first, the decline of the Euro will seem to stem the dollar’s slide, but soon, too soon, the dollar follow the Euro and the Japanese Yen… the dollar will slide and prices will rise. Mr Larry)
Merry Christmas.
…see you in the trenches this Spring


Twas The Death Of The Dollar
by J. Kent Willis, AGAPI Financial LLC, 2004


‘Twas the death of the dollar and all through the land
Not a greenback was traded for more than a Rand.
The paper was shoveled with nary a care
With hopes that inflation would not soon be there.

My children sit quiet and await the sad tale
Of the day that the Dollar Standard had failed.
In the quaint days of old when money was good
We bought nothing with debt and saved as we should.
But Lord Father Keynes had preached to the crowd
That paper was good and honest and proud!

We’ve no need for metal like silver or gold
Such thinking and bias is foolish and old.
We’ll print all we need and make not a fuss
The lessons of history apply not to us.
Reserve Notes were hailed as safe from the fate
That befell all nations both humble and great.
Then oceans of ink and forests of trees
Were forged into money by sovereign decrees.
The world emerged from her shackles of rust
The barbarous relics were tossed in the dust!

Dreaming we had beaten the liquidity trap
We all settled down for the Kondratieff nap.
When straight from the East there arose such a stink
The unmistakable scent of paper and ink.
We’ve seen these before, we sent them to you,
How terribly rude to refuse I.O.U.’s!

With credit for you and credit for me
There’s no cause to work for the things that we need.
Our friends in the East are happy to loan
Their savings back West, but it’s us they shall own.
Their factories were built by the sweat of the brow
And their people were fed from the fruit of the plow.
The things that we bought they shipped them all here
Prices are low, so there’s nothing to fear!
Our presses of print glowed white from the heat
Once cut loose from gold there is no retreat.

So the banks of the world stacked them twenty feet high
Locked safe in their vaults away from the eye.
Its funny, you know, that they guard them with care
They sold out their gold to make room for them there.
Protected by buzzers and bells that alarm
Believing that this made them safe from all harm
While so far away to the debtors delight
A fresh batch just like them appeared in the night!

While in the short term the sad joke was on them
They planned and they plotted the payback of men.
They graciously smiled when we handed them more
Knowing full well they’d be back on our shore.
At first they bought Treasury Debt by the ton
It kept the game going; it’s all in good fun!
But the more that they loaned the more they got back
Their grand plan had failed, it’s time to attack!
We know what we’ll do, well dump them en masse
We’ll buy all the gold and the silver and brass.
Right at the mine with our briefcase of bills
We’ll buy it all up then head for the hills.
Whatever is left we will dump on the floor
With metal in hand we’ll need them no more.

I remember the fear in the pits on that day
The index had tumbled, all support went away.
She opened no bid and was down for the count
No one was buying in any amount.
The bottom had fallen below the last floor
The traders and hedgers all rushed for the door.
Where was the fabled Japanese boost
When the chickens aplenty had come home to roost?
Elliot’s disciples who worshipped the waves
Were blinded by graphs and so they behaved
By dumping their gold when reading twin peaks
They regretted their choice at the end of the week!

A six-pack of Joes arose from the din
They wondered whatever had done the buck in?
With her intaglio portraits of leaders of yore
And shifty black ink that seemed green just before.
“Its counterfeit proof” was the Treasury song
It only requires that the world play along.

The sheeple did bleat with their handfuls of cash,
Shell-shocked and seeing their wealth was now trash.
The Maestro who had turned his back on his youth
Could no longer hide from the rod of the truth.
Our masters are cruel and their judgment is right
It’s very dismal for all, and to all a cold night!


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Bill of Non Rights

(News & Editorial)

The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA, 16 June 2003. 

****** * ******

Bill of Non Rights

 “We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny,  guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters.

 We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights.”

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. 
More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. 
This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone —  not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. 
If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

 ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing.
Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

  ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. 
That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people.
If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don’t be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

 ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others.
If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won’t have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. 
All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

 ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. 
Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

 ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. 
We don’t care where you are from, English is our language.  Learn it or go back to wherever you came from.


  ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country’s history or heritage. 
This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution.  The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!!!!

****** * ******

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Can’t purchase that TV or iPhone? Your debit card may soon be the reason

Mar 30, 2011,  Money-Rates Columnist, by Jim Sloan
“Chase last week was the first of the large commercial banks in the U.S. to reveal that it’s considering putting a $50 to $100 limit on how much you can buy with your Chase debit card, regardless of how much you have in your checking account or savings accounts.
Are debit card restrictions right around the corner?
Banks have been talking for months about how to recoup the profits that would be lost if the federal government limits the amount banks can charge merchants when a customer uses their debit card to make a purchase. Many banks have already instituted charges for the once-free checking account, but with Chase alone estimating that it could lose $1.3 billion a year from the debit card “swipe fees” the company is exploring other options.
According to the Associated Press, the idea of limiting debit card transactions is just one of the ideas being tossed around in Chase corporate offices. What typically happens with large commercial banks is that one will institute an unpopular new business practice–such as charging customers for their checking account or putting significant restrictions on savings accounts–and the rest of the banks quickly follow suit. It’s almost like the banks take turns being the poster child for new policies that inconvenience consumers and tap their wallets…”

“The Fed is scheduled to adopt those fees this summer, and the action seemed like a done deal until mid-February, when Federal Reserve Gov. Sarah Bloom Raskin told a House subcommittee that the fees might be changed or delayed.
The amendment has pitted big banks against big retailers, who thought they’d already won the battle when Durbin’s amendment passed. Retailers say the fees are onerous and cause prices to be increased for everyone–even people who don’t have savings accounts, a checking account or a debit card. Debit cards, according to AP, were used 38 billion times by American shoppers last year, and the banks raked in about $16 billion from the swipe fees. The swipe fees amount to between 1 and 2 percent of the purchase price, and the average swipe fee is about 44 cents.
The banks used to say that the swipe fees help them cover the costs of a free checking account. But now that many banks are charging for a checking account, the bankers have started saying that the swipe fees allow them to cover the cost of fraud, such as when someone uses your lost debit card to buy a big-screen television.
The upshot for consumers is this: You’ll either start carrying around a nice big wad of bills like a Mafia boss or you’ll go back to buying stuff with credit cards or checks. Credit cards are exempt from the proposed regulations.”
Pasted from <http://www.money-rates.com/news/cant-purchase-that-tv-or-iphone-your-debit-card-may-soon-be-the-reason.htm>

Hmm, an interesting article…
I hadn’t heard about this while watching the mainstream news media, but I do realize there is so much to news report that some stories just slip through. I did manage to catch the heart wrenching Casey Anthony story, then was warmed and reassured by William and Kate’s wedding; did you see Ophra’s last show?

Ok, lets consider the effects of a $50-$100 cap on DEBIT CARD purchases. If you have a family of four or five and weekly grocery bill of $200, a $100 cap would mean two shopping trips. Unless you buy the dry goods on the first trip through ChinaMart, then pick up the milk, yogurt, eggs, and frozen veggies on the second trip– ferry the lot home in 100F temps. If you are a monthly shopper, like so many are, you gotta make 4+ trips into the store or will have to shop more frequently. Yes, I know there are lots of combinations and permutations, ways to split a hair or hare and make it all come out, but why?

Lets put this in perspective and go back in time, back some 25,000 years to a tribe in north central Europe. It’s your lot in life and place in the tribe that you are a hunter-gatherer. You don’t chip stones into tools, you don’t make rope from grass or bark, you don’t decide how large game is cut and divided amongst the old, injured or ill,  you don’t commune with the Sky Gods  and you don’t say where the tribe moves to hunt. You are a rank and file ‘hunter-gatherer’, you are expected to go out every day with a basket and pick berries, dig roots and tubers and bring them back to the tribe in your trusty large basket. Meanwhile, the guys hunting that day catch birds, squirrels and occasionally something as large as a deer. Everyone moves their commodity back to the tribe in the parcel-weight sizes needed to get the job done in one trip.
Then one day, the lady or guy who communes with the Sky Gods says, that it is the wish of ‘Thunder’ that everyone may only move (bring home) their commodities, tubers, squirrel and deer meat, nuts, grain, skins etc in a volume  1/2 the size of what a person can normally carry. So, now the hunters and gatherers have to make 2 trips afield to bring home what they use to do in a single trip. Of course it is the bag-basket makers that are profiting from the change, they just so happen to have a supply of the appropriate ‘1/2 size bags and baskets’ available.
Day after day the hunter and gatherers go off into the forest to work, but the extra labor and time constraints imposed by the officially sanctioned new carrying procedure have slightly reduced the movement of commodities. Some workers can make the additional daily trip fit into their work-a-day schedule, a few can’t. Occasionally parts of a deer carcass are dragged away by a beast before it could be brought back to the tribe. Grains and berries not harvested because it rained during the multiple trips are just lost.
>—Jump back to the present—->>

If there were only one constraint in life, how easy it would all be. We all know that 25,000 years ago, as today, there were and are, all manner of industries and services,  the military and industries involved with the military, a myriad of educators-science-religious-medical organizations, multiple levels of leadership, and those who attempt to divide the wealth equitably between us. In the olden days, as now, every organization, has received a message from ‘Thunder and Son’s’ that things must change a little (in their individual financial favor)… and then, as today, the result was and is, a lowering of the efficiency in the transaction of the business of the tribe.
At some point it doesn’t matter where the leadership moves the tribe, the built-in laws and regulations, inefficiencies and reduced capacity doom the tribe into eventual economic decline, equally undesireable cultural changes or both.
Mr. Larry

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The Little Red Hen

“Once there was a Little Red Hen who lived in a barnyard with her three chicks and a duck, a pig and a cat.

One day the Little Red Hen found some grains of wheat. “Look look!” she clucked. “Who will help me plant this wheat?”

“Not I”, quaked the duck, and he waddled away.

“Not I”, oinked the pig, and he trotted away.

“Not I, meowed the cat, and he padded away.

“Then I will plant it myself,” said the Little Red Hen. And she did.

When the wheat was tall and golden, the Little Red Hen knew it was ready to be cut.
“Who will help me cut the wheat?” she asked.

“Not I,” said the duck.

“Not I,” said the pig.

“Not I,” said the cat

“Then I will cut this wheat myself”. And she did.

“Now”, said the Little Red Hen, “it is time to take the wheat to the miller so he
can grind it into flour. Who will help me?”

“Not I,” said the duck.

“Not I,” said the pig.

“Not I,” said the cat.

“Then I will take the wheat to the miller myself,” said the Little Red Hen. And
she did.

The miller ground the wheat into fine white flour and put it into a sack for the
Little Red Hen.

When she returned to the barnyard, the Little Red Hen asked, “Who will help me
make this flour into dough?”

Not I,” said the duck, the pig and the cat all at once.

“Then I will make the dough myself,” said the Little Red Hen. And she did.

When the dough was ready to go into the oven, the Little Red Hen asked, “Who
will help me bake the bread?”

“Not I,” said the duck.

“Not I,” said the pig.

“Not I,” said the cat.

“Then I wll bake it myself,” said the Little Red Hen. And she did.

Soon the bread was ready. As she took it from the oven, the Little Red Hen asked,
“Well who wil help me eat this warm, fresh bread?”

“I will,” said the duck.

“I will,” said the pig.

“I will,” said the cat.

“No you won’t,” said the Little Red Hen. “You wouldn’t help me plant the seeds, cut the wheat, go to the miller, make the dough or bake the bread. Now, my three chicks and I will eat this bread ourselves!”

And that’s just what they did.

And the moral of this story is…

Don’t expect anyone to help you. They will wait until there is no work to be done and no risk to be taken. They will step up and expect you to share with them as if they helped you.”

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Joe Legal and Jose Illegal

You have two families:
“Joe Legal” and “Jose Illegal”. Both families have two parents, two children, and live in California . Joe Legal works in construction, has a Social Security Number and makes $25.00 per hour with taxes  deducted. Jose Illegal also works in construction, has NO Social Security Number, and gets paid $15.00 cash “under the table”.

Ready? Now pay attention . . .

Joe Legal: $25.00 per hour x 40 hours = $1000.00 per week, or $52,000 per year. Now take 30% away for state and federal tax; Joe Legal now has $31,231.

Jose Illegal: $15.00 per hour x 40 hours = $600 per week, or $31,200 per year. Jose Illegal pays no taxes. Jose Illegal now has $31,200.

Joe Legal pays medical and dental insurance with limited coverage for his family at $600 per month, or $7,200 per year. Joe Legal now has $24,031.

Jose Illegal has full medical and dental coverage through the state and local clinics at a cost of
$0.00 per year. Jose Illegal still has $31,200.

Joe Legal makes too much money and is not eligible for food stamps or welfare. Joe Legal pays
$500 per month for food, or $6,000 per year. Joe Legal now has $18,031.

Jose Illegal has no documented income and is eligible for food stamps and welfare. Jose Illegal
still has $31,200.

Joe Legal pays rent of $1,200 per month, or $14,400 per year. Joe Legal now has $9,631.

Jose Illegal receives a $500 per month federal rent subsidy. Jose Illegal pays out that $500 per month, or $6,000 per year. Jose Illegal still has $ 31,200.

Joe Legal pays $200 per month, or $2,400 for insurance. Joe Legal now has $7,231.

Jose Illegal says, “We don’t need no stinkin’ insurance!” and he still has $31,200.

Joe Legal has to make his $7,231 stretch to pay utilities, gasoline, etc . . .

Jose Illegal has to make his $31,200 stretch to pay utilities, gasoline, and what he sends out of the country every month.

Joe Legal now works overtime on Saturdays or gets a part time job after work.

Jose Illegal has nights and weekends off to enjoy with his family.

Joe Legal’s and Jose Illegal’s children both attend the same school.

Joe Legal pays for his children’s lunches while Jose Illegal’s children get a government sponsored
lunch. Jose Illegal’s children have an after school ESL program. Joe Legal’s children go home. Joe Legal and Jose Illegal both enjoy the same police and fire services, but Joe paid for them and Jose did not pay.”

— from the web:

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The Ant and the Grasshopper


“The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, laughs, and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.”


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, laughs, and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing “It’s Not Easy Being Green.”

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing “We Shall Overcome.” Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grass- hopper’s sake.

Al Gore exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his “fair share”.

Finally, the EOC drafts the “Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act,” retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of multi-generation welfare recipients. The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.”


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